A celebration (and mocking) of ridiculously useless research

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Breaking News! Fat People Eat Bad Food!

We could probably dedicate the entire blog to diet-related studies if we wanted to. They come out like clockwork, primarily so the late evening news has something for its "Heath Beat" segment. If you actually had to walk to the curb in order to find out the latest news in the diet arena, you'd expend enough calories to be skeletally-thin in no time.

According to the latest study, fat people eat less fiber and fresh fruit than people of normal-weight.

These findings suggest that the composition of a diet, especially low dietary fiber and fruit intake, play a role in the (development) of obesity.

The composition of a diet plays a role in getting fat? That's crazy talk!

Davis' group found marked differences in the dietary habits of the two groups. The overweight and obese subjects consumed more total fat, saturated fat and cholesterol, and less carbohydrate, specifically dietary fiber and complex carbohydrate, than normal weight subjects.

Until this study, we had always assumed that fat people ate simple, healthy foods in moderate portions and that it was all just a glandular thing. Now we learn that it's far more likely that they're eating deep-fried Snickers and Ding Dongs (Ring Dings for you East Coasters).

Look, it's pretty simple math here. One pack of Ding Dongs has the same number of calories as about 10 oranges or three dozen figs.

Unless you spend most of your life on the porcelain throne, pounding down apples like a Right Whale goes through krill, you simply cannot eat enough fibrous foods to make you fat.

If you look like Jabba the Hutt's bigger brother, you are obviously eating crap in amounts you shouldn't be eating. You don't need a government-funded study to tell you that.

Of course, we're totally into Atkins ourselves. It's the only way we can stay away from those deep-fried Snickers...


At July 19, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the link to Candy Addict! I like the premise of this blog. I'll be watching it.


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